After the first few sessions that I had cuddling, when I realized that — yes, this actually could work — I told my husband that I had ‘aspirations without expectations.’

Expectations don’t work for me. Once I start having expectations for myself, I start to get anxious if I’m not meeting the milestones that I set out for myself.

What’s even worse for me are OTHER PEOPLE’s expectations. They take me to a very bad place. If I feel like I’m not meeting other people’s expectations — I feel like a failure.

It doesn’t even matter if other people’s expectations are unreasonable. And it doesn’t matter if other people’s expectations even align with my own goals.

Other people’s expectations are poison.

———

I’m smart and I’m curious and that has allowed me to learn many things more quickly than others do. And that’s a blessing.

But my blessing is quickly followed by the curse of expectations. When you learn quickly, people are excited by your success and they build expectations for you.

———

The successes that I’ve achieved so quickly are starting to create expectations in others. I’m trying to keep the boundaries that I’ve set between other people’s expectations and my own aspirations clear, but it’s been really hard to know where to draw the line between the two.

And I’m drowning between the lines. 

Instead of relishing in my successes as a professional cuddler, I’m starting to feel like a failure.

———

Does anyone else out there deal with this? How do you cope?